A Blog for January

Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

The holidays are rough, no? Anyone else have all of the stories of their famial trauma triggered just by going through the motions during the months of November and December? Whether you come from a family you are heavily involved with or one you don’t speak to; I am confident the holidays in itself just for existing stirred up the wounds of your past, because you’re human.

I’m here to demystify toxic shame. To befriend it. To give it a hug and thank it for showing me what my worst wounds and demons look like, how they present in terms of my coping mechanisms and my healing and then let that shit go. I’ve written this before and I’ll write it again. Our healing lies in our ability to forgive ourselves. For whatever it is we are in need of giving ourselves the same loving kindness we would extend to a friend or a partner. The shame spiral can only exist when you refuse to set yourself and your truth free. The things we stuff down we make warm breeding grounds for internal infection whereas when we breathe the oxygen of truth through our lungs and out our mouth, shame dies.

So what do you need to most let go of in 2023? And for the rest of your life for that matter? Is there a secret you need to tell someone so you can live with yourself in peace? Tell them. Its always worse in your head then it is ever going to be in reality. I’ll start. Recently I reached out to a toxic ex of mine. There were some wounds and some healing that needed to be done and some attempted contacts that needed addressed head on. While I’m all about boundaries; I am not about sweeping it under the rug and compartmentalizing and calling it anything other than what it is. So after a little liquid courage (I’ll give up alcohol entirely someday but for now i won’t shame myself for the once a month I choose to partake and deal with the reality of my consequences) the consequences in this particular event were that my liquid courage allowed me to unblock and press dial. I confronted the situation head on, and then I shared it with my now partner. The anxiety in the whole 48 hours in the interim was unbearable. I couldn’t live with myself for having made a phone call he didn’t know about and I didn’t know how he would feel about. Luckily as most tough conversations provide the opportunity to do so, we leaned in. It brought us closer. He was happy for me if I felt better as a result of addressing it…